Back again

I am very sorry that I up and abandoned my blog about five weeks ago. Let me explain to you the reason why.

I had one hand permanently mangled in a freak thresher accident while processing the heirloom wheat harvested from my breakthrough urban agriculture project that rehabilitates former gang members by involving them in planting and tending rooftop plots of staple food crops. I was bummed, but not as bummed as when I then had the bones of my other hand methodically crushed by the henchmen of a ruthless local vice lord who felt threatened by the outstanding success of my breakthrough teenage guerrilla gardening rooftop starch project in bringing together the community for a positive cause.

Shortly thereafter, I lost the one hand that had been mangled (by the thresher) when I saved a classroom of preschool children from a ferocious panther on a deadly rampage near Audubon Park. Although the beast devoured my hand and three toddlers, I recognized that she but was a noble, wild creature driven to violence by the madness of this city -- thus, once I had subdued her, I smuggled her back to my house and nursed her to physical and spiritual health with a diet of fresh nutria sweetmeats and vinyasa yoga. I named her Eleanor of Aquitaine, and we became inseparable companions.

Unfortunately, the very day that I was preparing to drive her to the Florida Everglades and say my bittersweet farewells, the authorities surrounded my house with multiple SWAT teams, led by a corrupt New Orleans lieutenant planning to cage Eleanor's wild spirit, extract her teeth for sale as aphrodisiacs on the Chinese black market, and sell her, post-tooth-extraction, to a sadistic traveling big cat carnival. The ensuing gun battle lasted for 36 hours and ended only when a handful of cops defected from the force, swayed by the bravery and nonlethal tactics employed by me, Eleanor (who had learned considerable restraint and mental discipline during our yoga sessions), and our street-hardened former gang member friends. I weep as I tell you that Eleanor herself gave her life as she shielded the youngest and frailest of our former gang teenagers, 14-year-old Blinky, as the police mortars rained down around us. But she died free, my friends -- she died free. As for me, I lost my one remaining hand in the shootout, after which blogging became a virtual impossibility.

...until, that is, the release of Gmail Motion this morning. It's remarkable and has allowed me to live my blog life again, but I will say that the Beta still has some kinks to be worked out. For example, what it interpreted as the text of the above three paragraphs was actually supposed to say, "Because I've been too fucking lazy to write anything".