Networking

Being an adult and all, I really need no one. Friends, I recognize, are the messy domain of the adolescent, and my fully-developed personhood requires no such candy-colored balm to soothe my days. No, my adult actions and words are unerringly calibrated to balance two simple, mature aims: a rational self-interest in material gain and personal pleasure, and a patronizing duty towards those sparse human relationships I must maintain for the sake of honor or decorum. Mother. Father.* Brother. Girlfriend. Perhaps an old Buddy or two of my sex and gender. These and these alone are the meaningful human relations of am un-clingy adult such as myself.

But like any good adult, I know the value of networking. To truly excel at maximizing material gain and personal pleasure, an adult must navigate the world of men and women as deftly as he manages the skills of his professional trade.** Thus it is that I provide links to those individuals – themselves adults all, I am sure – with whom bridge-building and back-scratching will most maximize my utility.

Hello, Alex. (Firm handshake.)

Hello, Barry. (Firm handshake.)

Hello, Katherine. (Slightly less-firm handshake for the ladies.)

Hello, Ethan. (Very firm handshake to show that I can measure up to his intimidating physical dimensions.)

Hello, Kaitlin. (Professional peck on the cheek.)

Hello, Anne, Emma, Anna, Ian, and a. b.

Let me know if I left you out and you would like a link, or if you'd like me to remove a link. Please keep reading my blog or I will blow away and disappear into the Gulf of Mexico. Thank you.

*DISCLAIMER: I do not actually know my real father.

**Unemployment