Blogging takes more time than I thought

So the main reason that I haven't written in a few days is because I've been on the phone pretty much nonstop with Mubarak and ElBaradei's people and the Brotherhood trying to negotiate terms of a transitional government, and meanwhile Secretary Clinton texts me and is all like "step off, this is State's turf" and so I'm like "you man up on the public record first" and then she's like "you didn't just say that" and I'm like "it looks like I did just say that" and so I have some fences to mend. (I am not even making up this exchange)

But there is also the fact that I forgot how much time it takes me to write something, even something that is dumb, unedited, and has no point. That's why I bring you a new feature, "Items I Can Reach Out and Grab from my Current Sitting Position".

I bought these from a Latino corner store today so that I could breach the lower limit on credit card purchases and get myself a refreshing drink. However, I also bought them because I genuinely love sardines, having been raised in a household that was huge on canned meats and fishes. What I do not love is canned squid. Sitting on the shelf right next to these fine, nourishing, appetizing sardines were a hideous product called Vigo Squid in Ink Sauce, which seems like a damn joke to me. "How can we accentuate just how nightmarish our food's origins are? Let's smother it in ink." It's like a can of chitlins packed in pig shit or Velveeta smothered in petroleum jelly.

Yes, this is what I have to talk about tonight. Tomorrow: inside dirt on Sarah Palin's affair with Jared Lee Loughner, three previously unpublished short stories by JD Salinger, and schematics for constructing your own homemade carbon capture device from a standard lawn mower. I promise.