Boobie

It's the lack of nipples on the "Os"
that really makes you wonder

I was walking down Josephine Street this morning when I came across this scrawled into the sidewalk, a message preserved for decades hence. It's a bit of a "sign of the times", I've got to say. Excuse me for getting on my soapbox, but something like this really makes me wonder where we're going as a nation and a people.

Young people: listen. I relate to you and your...drives. I understand. At times, I must also combat the nihilistic desire to immerse myself fully in an esoteric, dandyish pursuit such as ornithology. Young people, we all have -- and in a town like this one, there are no shortage of figures modeling exactly the wrong kind of behavior.

Young people. I know where you're coming from. As our civilization slides further into decline and degeneracy every year, the very idea of something that matters or that makes you feel anything at all must seem utterly alien to you. Drained of passion or belief, affinity or duty, you latch onto a fusty bit of 19th-century gentleman's science as a refuge against the void. I get it. But -- listen to me, goddammit -- the quiet, meticulous study of seabirds (even if expressed via furtive sidewalk graffiti) is no way for a young American to spend his or her youth. Where is your interest in breasts and skin and gyrating butts? You need to be out there having sex, for Christ's sakes. How else will our Republic preserve the turgid vitality of our forebears?